All as before: against the dining-room windows
Beats the scattered windswept snow,
And I have not changed either,
But a man came to me.
I asked: “What do you want?”
He replied: “To be with you in Hell.”
I laughed: “Oh, you’ll foredoom
Us both to disaster.”
Anna Akhmatova- The Stranger (January 1, 1914)
Is it even true love if we’re not willing to go through hell or directly to hell for the one we love? I suppose it’s not. It’s the beauty of it I guess, that kind of blindness we have for reality when we’re in love and we know we’re being loved. It’s that special bond that gives us a certain power to walk on fire or to stand up against everything that stands between us and the one we love.
But what if the source of our inferno is the one we love? What if we don’t know if we’re loved back? What kind of hell would that become? It’s the kind of hell Eda was in at the end of episode 14 when Serkan said we can’t be together, I have to focus on my work. It was the kind of hell Serkan was in when he had to do that to the woman he loved, fearing it was what she would do if she found out his father was responsible for her parents’ death.
Last time I wrote one of these, we left off at the end of episode 17, exactly when the roof of Artlife’s client’s house collapsed. In the first essay of this series I wrote that episodes 15–22 are EdSer’s breakup episodes. Today I would like to cover 18,19 and 20 which kind of have a general personal growth theme running through them, as you will see. I have to say on a second or third watch I appreciate these episodes a lot more.
“You must understand the whole of life, not just one part of it. That is why you must read, that is why you must look at the skies, why you must sing, dance and write poems, and suffer, and understand, for all that is life.”
— Jiddu Krishnamurti (Think on These Things)
Episode #18: Beginnings
This episode is a bit heartbreaking, especially in the beginning. Eda shows once again that she is a reliable partner. She helps Serkan find out he wasn’t responsible for the roof collapsing. Unfortunately Serkan is in too much pain to appreciate this. He lashes out at Eda for her behavior towards Selin which to this day boils my blood! When Eda points this out his response is unexpected. He says it was because he is in love with her. He was never in love with Selin. I think this small exchange really opens their eyes about how much they love each other.
Serkan moves into a new house this episode. Although this new house has never been a favorite of mine, I think at the time they intended to bring a new dimension to his character. Looking back now I really wish he had stayed with his mom.
17 is also the episode where Eda is back to her studies. How excited I was for many university scenes and EdSer doing projects together and Serkan being jealous of Eda’s male friends. Unfortunately all we got was a short library scene and Eda’s school almost never got mentioned again. Still it was an important milestone and it was a nice thought that Serkan surprised Eda by gifting her an expensive technical pen to celebrate her first day at school.
This is also the episode where Aydan gets out of the house for the first time. Even though her phobia is magically cured with herbal tea, I think it’s important that Eda is the one who helps her do it and Serkan witnesses this. Aydan getting out of her confinement gives her storyline a new and much needed shift. Now she can start working on bringing EdSer together again.
Another huge beginning comes out of Engin’s marriage proposal to Pırıl and them moving in immediately after that. The pacing in EnPır relationship contrasted EdSer so much all through the series. They acted like they were in a hurry with everything. Maybe it’s because of Engin’s impulsive and excited nature who knows:)
Overall 18 for me is the episode that demonstrates EdSer is coming back strong, they have a clearer understanding of their love being reciprocated. Serkan has no intention on giving up on Eda. Eda on the other hand keeps standing on her own feet, she makes her feelings and emotions clear for Serkan. She is there for both Serkan and Aydan this episode. This episode really feels like a new chapter is beginning.
Episode #19: Maturity
The magical seeds for “no one else can touch you but me” are thrown this episode. Serkan finds solace in his copy of Madonna in A Fur Coat again. “It’s selfish I know..” wrote Sabahattin Ali. Serkan knows that too. But it’s impossible not to feel jealous even of someone you know you can’t have. That’s exactly how he feels about Eda, when she says that she is going start seeing other people. Eda doesn’t mean it of course she’s just angry because of Selin staying at Serkan’s house, which would have pissed off anyone. Serkan either should have left the house to Selin for a while or should have said no to Selin.
The girls decide to help Eda get her revenge on Serkan and they send flowers to the office as if it’s from an admirer. Aydan works hard this episode trying to bring EdSer together. She invites them first to breakfast, then to a charity dinner. They oblige not knowing the other will be there. At the stable they have an important conversation over a rebellious horse. This exchange gives away a lot about their opinion of what has happened between them. Serkan thinks Eda doesn’t understand/appreciate his love for her, Eda thinks he doesn’t know how to love. They’re both right in their own way.
A much needed conversation takes place between Aydan and Eda where Aydan tries to make Eda understand that Serkan has always been abandoned by the ones he loved. Eda not knowing about her parents’s death relating to Bolats doesn’t quite understand. She says he’s just spoiled.
Serkan sees Eda talking to Efe, arrives at the wrong conclusion and accuses her, which causes her to be very upset. He follows her to the park and tries to talk to her but he’s still very much afraid to tell her the truth. Eda says she’s really tired of trying to understand him. She says she has always been on his side even though he really hurt her. She walks away as he’s unable to defend himself or clear the situation.
Finally Serkan decides to tell Eda the truth and right after his decision he sees the flowers sent by the girls to make him jealous. He immediately runs to Eda and says he wants to talk. But of course they can’t because she refuses. This is the same girl that minutes ago in the park accused him of being a closed box and not telling her anything. Sometimes the writing gets hard to understand.
Some of these things really tried my patience at the time I watched these episodes for the first time. She even decides to keep away from him after this. He tells her he has important things to say and she leaves the office on purpose not wanting to hear what he wants to say. She misunderstands Serkan’s insistence about talking to her and thinks he just enjoys keeping her on the loop like he does with Selin. This is clearly not the case but the writers wanted this to go where they wanted even though that made Eda look a bit unstable.
Efe has to face the consequences of what he’s done. I still think he deserved better and feel like it was planned to have him longer on the show. Probably Ali Ersan Duru wanted to leave just like Sitare Akbaş because he didn’t like to see his character ruined any further. Selin spends the episode trying to uncover Serkan’s secret, showing us once again that she chooses to focus on other people’s mistakes rather than her own.
Serkan looks everywhere to find Eda and when he visits the charity dinner he finds her there. He insists on talking to her but Eda runs away again not wanting to hear what he has to say. At this point it becomes almost like a game and we know she won’t find out about her parents’ death from Serkan because they can’t communicate.
The episode makes me think, what is maturity since EdSer act like children from beginning to end. Maturity is owning your mistakes. Accepting that others can make mistakes and allowing them time to realize it. Letting them make amends and make it up to you instead of running away from them like a wounded animal.
Maturity is being able to say I love you without the fear of making a fool of yourself. Maturity is trusting your own feelings and desires. Maturity is not being ashamed of what you did and what you couldn’t.
The episode ends on a sad note with Selin being the one that accidentally says what Serkan couldn’t for a whole episode. Before hearing it from Selin, Eda is already agitated because she thinks Serkan regrets calling her over the night before. The episode is teaching maturity from reverse. Being mature is acting like Ferit and being honest even when it’s admitting to making a mistake and that you will piss off someone you love. It’s about being honest so that you don’t leave the other person guessing and coming to wrong conclusions like Eda does every time Serkan can’t communicate his thoughts and feelings.
Episode #20: Responsibility
Serkan is a bit surprised to learn that what makes Eda angry isn’t his family’s involvement in the accident that killed her family. It’s the fact that he chose to decide on her behalf and felt that he should leave her. He thought of it as a selfless act, because he had to give up the love of his life but for Eda he was trying to control her and he didn’t believe in their love enough to face it together. From my point of view it was a bit selfish as well because he was trying to spare himself the agony of being left by her.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame Serkan for this. I know very well that it’s human to make mistakes. Especially when we’re in love we can’t think clearly because of fear of losing. Serkan says many times that Eda is the first woman he fell in love with so he doesn’t have past mistakes in love which he could have learned from. At least after she finds out, he makes sure that she knows he loves her very much and he takes full responsibility of his actions, so do the other Bolats. Then Eda’s contract comes into play and he signs it without reading with the hope that eventually Eda will understand there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for her.
One of the most satisfactory conversations in the episode is between Serkan and Selin. Finally he lets her have it. Selin doesn’t get away with it this time. Bige and Kerem’s acting was so good! Unfortunately, Selin doesn’t back off, on the contrary she takes this as an opportunity to hurt EdSer even more. It’s really sad that the elegant woman in the beginning of the show has become a person that can say if I can’t be happy I don’t want him to be happy either.
One thing that these earlier episodes had and that was forgotten after Ayşe left were moments of separation where characters tried to digest the events that occurred. In this episode Eda decides to go on a small getaway with the girls in order to decide what she wants to do. At the same time Serkan locks himself in his apartment and waits for Eda to return. This was formulated as a cute music clip with them spending time away from each other.
Eda decides to go back to the office and she has prepared a contract to offer to Serkan which restricts him from things like touching or flirting. She says that they will only be work friends from now on. She even makes Serkan take his ring off which maybe broke my heart more than Serkan’s. It is a well deserved lesson for Serkan for acting like a coward and hiding the truth from Eda and also in the name of protecting her for breaking up with her and breaking her heart terribly. We love a queen who doesn’t run away but strikes back. We also love a king who takes responsibility for his actions like Serkan does.
Ayşe was able to show us special moments even when EdSer was apart. Like the school truck project Artlife took on. Eda amazes Serkan with her sensitivity for kids who can’t afford to go to school. It was also very nice to finally see him open about his feelings about her even though Eda acted like she wasn’t affected by his compliments. I also loved that he was with her when she faced the subcontractor that was responsible for her family’s death. I would have liked them to hug but I guess that was against Eda’s contract.:(
Eda’s speech at the charity event about making mistakes has a great message. “The heart is always strong, don’t be afraid of making mistakes. Making mistakes pushes us to be better human beings.” We can’t avoid making mistakes but after we notice we made a mistake we should feel responsible. We can’t allow the fear of making mistakes to stop us from living life, mistakes are inevitable, but if we are responsible human beings we will learn from our mistakes instead of hiding them. Even admitting to having made a mistake is being responsible.
For example Efe accepted that he screwed up and faced the consequences whereas Selin always played the victim card. Same thing with Alptekin who didn’t have the patience to make amends with Serkan and instead chose to leave the house.
Finally the fashion show moment and Huyu Suyu song will be in my memories forever. They gave us some great moments for a cliched scene. Unfortunately the episode ended with another terrible strike from sneaky Selin and EdSer waiting sadly for each other in different restaurants. Just as 18 and 19, 20 was also an important episode in personal growth both for Serkan and Eda. I think it also strengthened their love and that’s why it’s one of my favorite episodes.
Frankly when I started watching the show, I didn’t know EdSer was going to go through hell many times, sometimes alone and sometimes together. But if you ask me today, if it was worth it, I’d say, hell yeah. We as the fandom are going through it with them and I’m glad I have my pals like you who are accompanying me on this journey through the flames.
Leaving you here the best breakup song ever. Very 80s but good as gold. I imagined Eda listened to this at that getaway with the kızlar. :)
Dear reader, thank you for reading so far. Hope you enjoyed this. I’m really excited for Saturday’s episode, especially now that Fikret and Kerim are back. I feel so proud of us for making this happen because I know that we have a huge effect on it. This goes to show, if you want your voice to be heard, you must act on it. Hopefully we will get our old EdSer back!
Let me know what you think about this essay as well as the current situation of the show. What do you miss most? I miss discovering new songs while watching the show. Find me on Twitter, I’m @edsavaseri there. Have a great day wherever you are in the world right now. I’m sending you love and light from a warm Istanbul evening.